Code Wars : Episode 8 (J /*+IEEE 802.11s*/)

Name: J /*+IEEE 802.11s*/ (Name changed to protect Identity).
Sex: Male Xdresser.
Age: Minor (I don’t do Minors… but Xdresser’s are exceptions).
Height: 5’ 10’’.
Brain:Body Mass = Can be categorically placed between Cro-Magnons and Neanderthals.

The first thing that would strike u when u meet this “jay” henceforth called (J) is the blouse that he wears… and if you are real lucky you would also find him wearing a blouse that has buttons on the Left.

K-gyan: For the under privileged… Girls blouses/shirts have buttons to the left where as the guys shirts have them sewn to the right... so its that time of the year again when u revisit the wardrobe and throw away the pink shirt that u had problems buttoning. In the case here it’s a black top. Don’t believe me… and think that the fact written is all BS?... read all about it here (http://www.marquise.de/en/themes/linksrechts.shtml)

Reality Check: Shepherd… we won and that too with a complete proof.

He is an ardent devotee of Govinda… a crappy Bollywood actor who has a wardrobe malfunction of the “G” kind in all of his movies (sadly I share my date of birth with his, but I guess you need to try real hard to be born under that fateful card…just for the heck of the rhyme) and keenly follows his gurus dressing sense to shame.

K-gyan: Wardrobe Malfunction: Wikipedia defines it as a euphemism used to describe the presumed accidental exposure, because of a defect attributed to an article or articles of clothing, of what would be considered an intimate part or parts of the body of their wearer. But what it fails to elaborate are the categories of wardrobe malfunctions, so I take over: Wardrobe malfunction falls into 4 broad categories viz: G, PG, 18 and R I will give a description of each in brief for the benefit of the denser readers who now readeth amongst us…
G- No intimate part exposed, just plain displeasing to the eye and prolonged exposure may cause cataract.
PG- Intimate parts exposed, but unrecognizable due to bad lighing/crappy direction or might be avoided due to plain distaste (a la ball scene in scary movie 3), prolonged exposure might actually prove that you are a freak.
18- Total tent pitching material, prolonged exposure causes wet dreams… and stiffness in some part of the body (I am just targeting guys here).
R- Gay Porn.

J is also a huge fan of “TH”… a footballer supposedly but was surprised as I later found out the identity … he has also dedicated his blog to the guy… but sadly for the footballer all that goes into his blog are how he screwed up cooking some ‘Halwa’ (http://th14.blogspot.com/2006/04/aruns-jalwa.html)

When approached for justification J cleared my misconception about what actually inspired him to name his blog thus, he justified that the th14 in his blog address actually stands for "Thirunelvelli Halva" which is meticulously prepared to perfection using 14 ingredients.… so much for the footballer… and now the article featured actually makes sense.

Any way, I was misled at the first go and looked up the footballer by the name Th14 and here’s what I found:
K-gyan : Thierry Daniel Henry (born August 17, 1977 in Les Ulis, Essonne, Paris) is a French football player and regarded as one of the top players in the world. He currently plays as a striker for the French national team, and for the English club Arsenal, where he is that club's all-time leading scorer in both league matches and all competitions.

Henry has been nominated twice for the FIFA World Player of the Year, both times finishing runner-up in 2003 and 2004. Also, he was named by Pelé as one of the top 125 greatest living footballers in March 2004.

Reality Check: Actually all texts that u see in the blog above, that are not in black font, are fillers, I know so little about this guy that I can put down in words that my repute of providing sustainable entertainment goes in for a toss.

J codes in Object oriented language… he feels that he can relate to objects better…and is extremely good at it; he also slogs to complete his work on time, primarily because he is one of the laziest guys in our team, but none the less manages to earn the appreciation from the manager in US for a job well done.

He has a typical Mallu Nariyalpani wala Hairstyle and looks ravishing in a lungi… his childlike curiosity sometimes lands him in a soup, like the time when he tried fabricating a lungi with a zip… And almost ended dry milling his nuts (in a subtle sense…).

For the ungyanned… k-gyan follows…get ready for a huge one

K-gyan: Wet Milling as opposed to dry milling mentioned above is the process of harvesting coir from cocoNUTS (Deliberate capitalization). Coir, the fibers present between the husk and the hollow are soaked in pits or in nets in a slow moving body of water to swell and soften them. The long bristle fibres are separated from the shorter mattress fibres underneath the skin of the nut, a process known as wet-milling eases out the coir without hurting the nut… Conversely… DRY MILLING HURTS.
If you still don’t get it go watch… “There’s something about Mary”… Ben Stiller had it easy there, if you still don’t get it… stop reading my blog.

Nariyalpani – Hindi for Coconut water,
Mallu – abbr for Malayali(ad) – a person speaking Malayalam.

J is also a great sport, but doesn’t know when to talk and when not to, his major problem is that he ends up playing his cards against the seasoned players and repents… as he would when he reads this blog… Well J u could have just played along with me… the challenging was all yours…

So here’s one on J, totally fabricated, Every part of the blog except the gyans are just figment of my imagination, I could have very well ended it without acknowledging this, but you see, I cannot sleep with a heavy heart… knowing that I have taken all my pleasure to screw this guy up.

Please give this mallu body builder… half a round of applause… you can save the other half for the day I actually profile him for the person he is….But for now he still owes me big time.

Code Wars : Episode 7 (Genesis 2:2)

shbiy`iy yowm 'elohiym kalah mla'kah `asah shabath shbiy`iy yowm mla'kah `asah.

Code Wars : Episode 6 (The Quick Gun… Murugan)

Name: B (Name changed to protect Identity)
Sex: Male
Age: Lieutenant General (The Second highest post in the Indian Army :))
Height: 5’ 10’’
Brain:Body Mass = A Tamilian.

K-gyan: To the ignorant, Tamilians (Thamizhians to be precise) are the most learned of all… we have the highest neuron density and can solve any problem in with the twinkle of an eye. P-earth featured in the blog earlier also belonged to this category and so does the author of the blog :).

I know for sure that writing a blog about my immediate superior at work, B , would not be getting me into a soup ( I might get loads of work… but no physical harm), for he is the greatest sport I have known.

Had he been a little more “sportier” he would be featuring in a sports blog instead of mine.

K-gyan: A sports blog (not to be confused with a sports bra), is a blog which has contents similar to one found here http://th14.blogspot.com and is generally maintained by a sports freak… who either follows the sport too closely and idolizes a sports person to be his god (as is the case here) or by news casters… they may also be owned by sports personalities themselves. (J-Ess u owe me big time for advertising your blog here…)

I know very little about my GL (Yes he is my GL, and is the same “GL” featured in the earlier blog) primarily because he is not very outgoing on his emotions, unless compelled or driven by passion for payback (which seldom is the case) and secondly because of a language barrier (reason being I don’t speak Tamil fluently and he doesn’t speak Hindi, and we are forced to converse in English, so its just work related conversation that takes place)

Personality wise he is a typical south Indian Don Juan, who is not afraid to make the first move, be it professional or personal and he generally comes thru without a mess. (To be taken literally… and in the broader sense)

For now, Ill stick to the professional side, Even though the personal front is much more interesting.

As already mentioned, he is our GL, and his responsibilities include but are not limited to (read on… you would understand the significance of this statement) managing a group , to keep them happy and once in a while elevating the alcohol content by Spiking water with Vodka.

But apart from the above mentioned sufficient conditions for a GL he also sees to it we, the team members, are knowledgeable in every possible project that our company has to offer, so that when the time comes, we can seamlessly replace any individual in any project irrespective of technology and business.

With a superior South Indian Brain this is very insignificant to comprehend, But in the course of action what he generally forgets is that he just has a handful of resources whose cranial capacity is working at his bus speed, and a large majority (I can count 1) reel under the stress and over clock their processors, and all that is left on the face is a priceless “Still Loading …..” expression.

K-gyan: Overclocking is the process of forcing a computer component (metaphorically referred to processors here) to run at a higher clock rate (Metaphor for “Think”) than designed or designated by the manufacturer (Metaphor for “GOD”). The major disadvantage arising out of it is that it has a risky potential to end in a failure ("heat death"). Most companies do not back up defunct units, which are a result of overclocking activities, in their warranties. (personally I love K-gyan… it lets me open up ).

His interests are varied and include Listening to SI music (SI = South Indian), Cooking, Partying, Vodka Drowning, Spiking Water, and the latest addition to the list Real Estates. This guy finances 50% of the properties, which are under development in the city; the other 50% are thru Banks and other financial institutions.

He is a great party animal and gels well with everyone in the team, He is a technical wizard who knows every single code that was ever written in our company, and can actually pinpoint the line number where you can find the required code snippet to reuse.

Having spent close to 5 years with the company, he also has a lot of friend’s world wide (there is not one place, where a sane visitor would travel, that he hasn’t got a friend…).

Justification: With my blogs being more popular with the denser crowd… I need to get into the minutest detail of everything… had I not written the line above, I would have definitely got a mail asking me if my GL has a friend in “Jhumritalaiya”.

He generally is fearless when it comes to getting a project for the team , generally gets it and sees it thru (With such a great team it is very difficult “not” to meet the schedule on time… and after shepherd’s departure… well it had stayed that way… no hard feelings sheph) . That is one of the reasons that our PM is so keen on having him with the project, that all of his onsite objectives have now been reset.

He is an ardent devotee of Super Star Rajanikanth, and he shares his fan base with 61.5 million + Thamizhians who watch in awe as the “Baasha” outruns a bullet to save his mother.

K-gyan: 61.5 million + : The actual population of Tamil-nadu as per google (www.google.com ) on 3rd July 2003, “+” accounts for all other fans not covered in the definition above.

Politically he has an inclination towards AIADMK and “amma” (We can’t blame him here… amma is so healthy… having feasted on long grained south Indian rice that half of Tamil nadu is Inclined towards Poes Garden.).

K-gyan: AIADMK: All India Anna Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam (Why they have the first 2 words in English… beats me…)
Poes Garden: Amma’s residence.

I thought that I did not have enuff knowledge about my GL but by the looks of this blog, I definitely know him a lot better than I had thought of earlier.

Please put your hands together for “The person who everyone would die to accompany for lunch… (Pi included :) )” (I am sorry B… couldn’t resist holding this back…)… The Most helpful and the most respected GL in the entire project … always to “B” ….